Goodbye Oakland, goodbye Berkely, goodbye Richmond, El Cerrito and San Francisco. You will all be missed.
Goodbye gaudy Lexus driver with your purple paint job, Gucci interior, 24″ color matching rims and a giant sticker on your door to remind us that you are indeed the proud owner of a LEXUS.
Goodbye homeless man that gets a thrill from treating my motorcycle like a quarter operated kids toy in front of a Wallmart as you make “VROOOM VROOOM” sounds turning back the throttle. Oh and bravo on knocking it to the ground on your way back to the BART station. I would like to genuinely thank you for only using it as a blocker to take a poop on the side of the house instead of just pooping directly onto the bike.
Goodbye hippies. You will always be remembered in my heart for your heroic deed of sitting in a tree for 21 months only to have it cut down minutes after you touched ground to a loud cheer from the audience. Please if I ever come back to earth as a tree, cut me down before you allow 20 something college grads with potty buckets and no jobs to inhabit me.
Goodbye entitled citizens of the East Bay. This world evolves around you. Walk into traffic because you have places to be. Stop your car in the middle of the road to talk to a friend in their appartment window. We need to know that you are more important then anyone else and if you don’t feel like taking the effort to park your car correctly, then we can just deal.